I wish you could order shots online.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
