seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
