So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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