I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
