Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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