So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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