Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you had me at cake vodka
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
