Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
