No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize