Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
