I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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