She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
