Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
