I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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