He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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