I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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