Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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