i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
