I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
