Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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