Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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