this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
