We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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