I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
