my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
