Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
