I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
