No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
