Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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