That's when you crack a 10am beer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
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I don't deserve a penis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.