actually, I'm a sock model
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
