Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
