You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
