So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
