Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have post one night stand depression
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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