if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
