and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
