Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
