i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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