Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
