Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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