you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
