you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
