I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
