well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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