i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she peed on how many people?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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