I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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