i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
