babies were throwing up all over the place
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
