fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
