Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this just has baby written all over it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
