why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
