In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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