please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
