My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
