both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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