Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
