I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
