Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
