So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
