I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
