i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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