but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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