my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
