Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
