you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
