who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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