I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
