So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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