We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
