i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
honey bunches of taint.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
